Couple's Guide to Swinging: Messaging Other Couples 101

While Single Men make more mistakes than anyone in messaging Couples, they are NOT the only lifestyle Group that could use some direction when contacting Couples and that is other Couples. This Guide will hopefully help Couples eliminate some of the more common mistakes made when contacting other Couples to swing with.

Did You Read the Couple’s Profile?

This is one of the biggest mistakes a Couple will make. The VAST MAJORITY of the time it is the Male-Half of the Couple that is primarily contacting Couples and making arraignments to meet. Therefore these Men have a terrible tendency to do exactly what Single Men do when looking at a Couple’s profile and deciding whether to message them or not. They focus on the eye candy. DO NOT focus on the eye candy. FOCUS on the content of the profile.

The Couple took the time to write a profile or ad for a reason and that is to weed out those they have no interest in. So scroll down past the pictures and actually take the time to read a Couple’s ENTIRE profile.

Do You Meet the Couple’s Requirements?

This obviously cannot be answered if you have not read the Couple’s profile. Different Couples have different requirements. Some have cock size requirements, physique requirements, ethnicity requirements, logistics requirements, age requirements, level of play requirements (soft-swap, full-swap, same room, separate room, etc.) Read these carefully and do NOT waste your time messaging a couple if you do not meet their criteria.

Be Realistic With Yourself and With What They Are Looking For

There are TWO areas where many Couples for one reason or another seem to think that the requirements of other Couples do not seem to be requirements but merely suggestions:

(1) Age, AND
(2) Weight

First we will address Age. If a Couple states an Age range, respect it. It is one thing for BOTH of you to be a year or two above the age range they list, but if EITHER of you are five or more years above their age range, you should not be messaging the Couple. Perhaps you look in the mirror and think you look good for your age, but don’t forget, when a Couple has a range, that end number is the END of that Range, so they already telling you they want a Couple towards the lower end of that range, not past the end of it.

Second we come to Weight. If a Couple states you should be “Athletic” then that is what you should be. What is Athletic? Well ask yourself when was the last time you worked out, whether it be running, weight training, a sport, martial arts, etc., when was the last time? If it has been more than a week since you’ve been physical, then chances are you are not “Athletic” – in addition, if you aren’t being physically active at least three times a week, again, chances are you are not “Athletic.” What the Couple most likely means is that while the Couple does not have to look like world class athletes, they do look like they exercise in some form regularly and have desirable bodies. If you have been battling with the same fifteen to thirty pounds for the last few years, chances are this does not describe you. In addition, when a Couple states they want someone “height/weight proportionate” then be height/weight proportionate. Go check your BMI, if it says you are overweight (and it is not because you are Arnold Schwarzenegger overweight) then you are not “height/weight proportionate” and you should move on.

What Should You Say?

We recommend that your first message have content but stay clear of sexualized content. That means avoid sending simple messages such as:

Compliments: “You’re so Sexy”

Meeting Propositions: “Lets meet, let me know if you are interested.”

Greetings: “Hey, what’s up?”

If the above is the sole content of your message, you are wasting your time. You are telling the Couple you have absolutely no personality and are doing absolutely nothing to make yourself stand out from the countless other Couples messaging this Couple.

Tell the Couple a little about yourself. By the end of the message the couple should know your first name, know the city/town where you live, a brief understanding of your prior experience with couples, and any information relevant to the Couple’s criteria/requirements (height, ethnicity, age, etc.). By letting the Couple know you meet their requirements you are showing them that you Respect and Understood their preferences. If you message a Couple and do not indicate whether you meet their criteria, it is unlikely they will want to waste their time messaging you to find out.

In addition, and this is important, TELL THE COUPLE WHAT YOU WANT. That’s right, let them know what you are looking for. Is you want to meet, then say that you would be interested in meeting, just do not tell them you are interested in them.

Lastly, leave out ALL negative or value decreasing statements from your message. Your message should convey that you are positive individuals and should not give the impression that you are begging for a response or that you do not seem worthy of the Couple’s attention. In addition, do not attempt to try to self promote yourself to such a degree that it comes off as being contrived.

What NOT to say:

- DO NOT ask to meet the Couple for drinks the night of. MOST Couples would like to get to know another Couple first and requesting Drinks with no notice causes unnecessary pressure for the Couple and will more likely than not either result in no response or a rejection.
- DO NOT state you are interested and ask if the Couple would like to chat more. State why you are messaging the Couple. If a Couple is serious about swinging they want to swing, not chat.

Always Include:

Always include a final sentence along the following lines: If you are interested or would like more information let us know.

Attach a Photo to Your Message

Your message (whether it be via online service or e-mail) should have a clear G-Rated Picture of BOTH OF YOU, clearly showing both of your faces. This photo should NOT be two separate photos but rather a photo with the two of you in it TOGETHER, as a couple. This ensures that the Couple you are messaging can make a determination of whether they are attracted to BOTH of you and by being in the photo together gives the message more authenticity that the message is coming from a genuine Couple and not from a photo collector or Single Male posing as a Couple.

Most Photo Collectors or Single Men posing as a Couple will first send photos of an attractive woman and when requested of photos of the Male Half of the Couple will then send photos of an attractive male, but then when asked for a photo of them together they will be unable to produce one because the original photos came from two different sources. That being said, if you are on the receiving end of a message from another Couple, always make sure that you request a photo of the two of them together, especially if the Couple has zero or very few certifications/verifications on the lifestyle service you are using.

DO NOT tell the Couple that you can send them face pictures if they are interested. While the content of your message may be helpful, if the Couple does not know what you look like they are not likely going to be “interested.” Attraction is important and it makes it much more awkward for a Couple to have to say “No Thank You” after they have already opened up a dialogue by requesting your face pictures. Just lay your cards out on the table to begin with. In addition, if you just show the female half of the Couple in the picture and not the male half, you are AUTOMATICALLY giving the Couple you are messaging the impression that your male half is not attractive and you are trying to hide that fact.

For Those Afraid to Attach Face Pictures

UNLESS you work in a HIGHLY visible job (Celebrity, High Level Government Employment, Politician, High Level Private Industry) then really, stop being a baby and show your faces. There are more Couples available to play with than one could ever get to, so why go through the hassle of meeting a Couple that is too scared to show you what they look like? If you are in the public spotlight, then yes, it makes sense to put more effort in to protect your identity, but if you are scared your neighbor, relative, friend, boss, etc. is going to find you then ask yourself, what are they even doing on that swingers website to begin with? Obviously looking for the same thing you were so they have just as big of a secret as you do. In addition, you should never be doing anything that you couldn’t stand by when confronted. So be proud of your wife swapping ways and attach some pictures ;-)

Move On

Once you have sent your message assume it was a rejection. Do not continue to message the Couple or check their profile or check your mail to see if they returned your message. There are so many Couples in your area that you should never get hung up on any one Couple. You NEVER want to give a Couple the impression you are needy and the quickest way of doing that is by actually being needy.

If You Receive A Message Requesting More Information

Provide it. If the Couple is asking for more information they are NOT telling you they are interested, what they are telling you is that they want more information BEFORE deciding if they are interested. That means if they would like additional pictures (especially if you provided none to begin with) or specific information then provide it and DO NOT gloss over their request and try to make arrangements with the Couple to meet. It shows a lack of respect and

If You Receive A Message of Interest Back

Your goal is to get from messaging to in-person as soon as possible without coming off as pushy. Every Couple’s pace is different and some Couples will want to spend a significant amount of time “Getting to Know You” online before ever meeting you, but generally speaking it is very hard to keep sexual tension through an extended courtship over internet communication.

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3 Leave a Comment:

K3 said...

Good entry! It definitely hits on all the things we try to do and/or trying to improve as we gain experience swinging. I know I personally can improve myself by being more confident and direct, just like how we as a couple should approach swinging. Thanks for posting!

Anonymous said...

I disagree concerning your advise concerning pictures. There are many reasons not to post face pics. Yes, you might not have a problem today, but who really knows where your life journey will lead. The inconsequential act of today might cause an unfortunate or unintended result tomorrow.

J and J said...

We are talking about face pictures, not nude pictures. In addition, face pictures do not have to be open for the world to see but only released to those you are in communication with and feel things might progress. If you leave the lifestyle, remove your profiles. What is someone going to find one day? A pg picture of you? Big deal. People are way too paranoid. Unless you are a politician, celebrity, or an executive of a company in a public role you are most likely being way too paranoid.

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