Single Guy’s Guide to Swinging: Getting Started in the Lifestyle

We get countless e-mails from Single Men asking us how to get started in the lifestyle. Some want to know how to have FMF Threesomes, but we will address that in another Guide. The majority want to know how to play with Couples and have MFM Threesomes. Below you will find information on how to begin your journey.

Introduction and A Word of Caution

Before we begin please understand that if you think it is easy to get laid as a Single Male in the lifestyle then you are very mistaken. It is far easier to pick up girls in the vanilla world than it is in the swinging one. First off, you only have to impress one person as opposed to two, and second, picking up women in the regular world on a consistent basis requires confidence, charisma, and the ability to build attraction – and if you cannot do that with a girl in a night venue (e.g., a bar or a club) or even a day venue like in the supermarket when you basically have no competition, how do you think you will fare when you are at a party or club with a room full of men that are there for the same reason you are. So if you are looking for an easy lay, you are looking in the wrong place.

Step 1: Familiarize Yourself with Couple Psychology

Remember that Couples engage in the Lifestyle for THEIR enjoyment, NOT yours. The Females are most likely NOT looking to start a relationship with you to replace the one they currently share with their husband or boyfriend. Not every Couple will want the same thing. Some are Hot Wives, where the woman has sex with men other than her spouse or boyfriend with his consent. Typically the spouse or boyfriend may take part to create a MFM Threesome or may watch and take photos. The spouse or boyfriend may even permit the woman to go on 1 on 1 dates with Single Men. Or the Couple may enjoy cuckolding where the woman sleeps with men other than her spouse or boyfriend, however in these relationships the spouse or boyfriend either watches or the woman tells him about the experience after the fact, but there is typically not an actual MFM Threesome but rather just MF sex. Sometimes the Couple is looking for a more polyamorous relationship. It is up to you to inquire about what the Couple is looking for and to make sure that what you are looking for is compatible with their sexual interests.

Step 2: Understand Your Options

You typically have two options for finding Couples to play with. The first is through the various internet services that Couples frequent for finding Single Men and the other is by going to Lifestyle Clubs that allow Single Men to attend. You will find that it is very difficult to make arrangements with Couples online, especially when you are first starting out. Many lifestyle services have verification or certification features that allow members to certify whether another member is “real” by writing a brief testimonial about them. Obviously the more certifications your profile has the more likely a Couple interested in a Single Guy will actually respond to a message you send. It is always a red flag to see a member who has been on the service for over a year and has no Certifications. We have found that attending Clubs and Parties is the FASTEST way to meet Couples and if you exchange online contact information the easiest way to build certifications which makes it EASIER to meet Couples using the online services.

Step 4: Go Get Tested

You are entering a world where people have a lot of sex with a lot of different people. Go to your doctor and ask for an HIV/STD exam. If you have something it should be disclosed to any potential partner. Make sure you continue to get tested every 3-6 months. Think with your big head and not your small one and make sure you ask any Couple you want to play with when the last time they were tested was and what the results were. That exciting Threesome you just had can go from the coolest sexual experience you’ve ever had to the worst in a heartbeat if you contract something.

Step 5: What You Need to Know About Online

It is NOT easy for a Single Male to find a Couple to meet with online. You have lots of competition and have to distinguish yourself from the countless Single Men messaging those Couples that indicate they enjoy MFM Threesomes. For additional information on Messaging Couples take a look at our Single Guy's Guide to Swinging: Messaging Couples 101 and Top 5 Instant Message Fuckups by Single Guys. Please keep in mind that you should have a completely filled out profile online if you intend to have any success with Couples.

Step 6: What You Need to Know About Clubs and Parties

There are two types of Clubs and Parties. On-Premise and Off-Premise. At On-Premise locations you can play at the venue and at Off-Premise venues you will have to go elsewhere to have fun (someone’s house or a motel, etc.). We recommend On-Premise locations. This removes the delay between building attraction and playing where if you have to figure out the logistics you can lose attraction or in the time it takes to travel from the venue to the play location the Couple may back out.

Understand that prices can be high for Single Men at these Clubs and Parties – anywhere from $30 to $200. Take a look at our Single Guy's Guide to Swinging: What to Wear to a Swingers Event Guide to better understand what to wear at a Swingers Club or Party. In addition understand that there is REAL competition at these events. Keep your cock in your pants unless you are ready to play, ask before touching, and DO NOT be a wall flower. You should be approaching Couples you are interested in. Most likely they will not come to you. We should have a Guide dedicated solely to the art of approaching and building attraction with Couples in the near future so stay on the lookout for that.

Step 7: What to Do After You Have Fun

When you are done playing with a Couple don’t bail on them. Ask if they would like to exchange contact information and do so. They may have had a great time and want to have a repeat performance but if you leave prematurely you may be throwing away an opportunity for all those involved.

2 Leave a Comment:

Anonymous said...

As a single guy who's been going to lifestyle events of all types for several years, I'd like to add two points:

1) Don't forget th women at these parties are people. Women at lifestyle events often complain that single guys try to treat them like a piece of meat- and the women don't like that at all. If you can't show the women the respect they deserve you should just stay home.

2) It's best to attend lifestyle events with no expectations. Otherwise, unless you have George Clooney's charm and a body builder's physique, most of the time you'll be disappointed.

Inferno said...

Nice guide... One more thing to mention may be that if a single male plays nice, doesn't over step bounds, and is general good company the couples he plays with will introduce him around to friends and invite him to parties.

Men who are single and do well in the lifestyle are semi rare, but those lucky few have very full calendars because of recomendations by the couples they get to know.

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