Single Guy's Guide to Swinging: How to Approach Couples


This is a guide that demonstrates how a Single Guy can have a MFM Threesome with a Couple in less than thirty minutes.

Lifestyle parties that admit Single Men are plagued with the different variations of the “wall flower”. Here we have a party that removes most pretence of why everyone is there and there is no shortage of attractive females, and yet, these Single Men still refuse to approach. This issue isn’t localized to just lifestyle events, but to every facet of life where there is a Single Male and an Attractive Female. Men are just too scared to approach. However, Lifestyle parties have their own challenges and discussing approaching girls in the vanilla world is just outside the scope of this guide.

This guide is a basic guide for approaching Couples and it does depict the only method of approaching Couples. However, if you feel that as a Single Guy you are struggling with this, this guide will help bring you consistent success.

Note that this entire process should take no more than 30 minutes. Unlike in a vanilla world, where a Single Female may not be intending to have sex that night, many Couples that are swingers intend to play that night. Therefore it is completely unnecessary to spend hours with a Couple trying to have a threesome or play with the woman. Your goal is to be playing or moving to the playing location in under 30 minutes.

Approach Anxiety

When a guy sees an attractive woman that he would like to talk to, he will typically begin to feel “approach anxiety”. This is an extreme feeling of anxiety that acts as a barrier to fulfilling that desire to initiate contact. Typically, the longer the guy dwells on this desire without acting up on it, the more excuses he comes up with to why the woman would reject him. Perhaps he is too old, too young, not attractive enough, doesn’t know what to say, so on and so fourth. Before he has even taken one step towards the woman he has already rejected himself from ever having a chance with her.

Remember that a failure to approach will translate into a 100% rejection rate. If you approached 100 Couples or Single Females you are most likely going to have a better rate of success than 100% failure.

Live by the “Three Second Rule”. This is a rule developed by the Seduction Community that holds, within 3 seconds of seeing an attractive woman that you are interested in you approach. Don’t worry about what you are going to say or talk about, just approach. This gets you out of your head and into direct action.

Once you begin consistently walking up to Couples and Single Females you will notice two things. (1) It wasn’t as scary as you thought it would have been and as a result, you will have had positive experiences and your anxiety will significantly reduce, and (2) With each success your overall confidence will increase.

Another important point to keep in mind is that at many of these lifestyle parties, the vast majority of the men there never approaches a Couple or lowers their value significantly by behaving completely inappropriate. Therefore by just approaching a Couple, whether you do well or not, you make yourself stand out from the vast majority of the so called competition at these parties.


The most important thing to know about approaching is that you must do it with confidence. If you are fidgety, can’t make direct eye contact, or look like you are going to piss your pants, you are going to get rejected. Confidence is one of the most sexually appealing traits that a guy can have.

There are times however when not to approach and certain behavior to avoid:

(1) Do not approach when the Couple is talking to another Couple or to a Single Female.

(2) Do not approach if the Couple is in the middle of play.

(3) Do not approach when the Female Half of the Couple is alone (e.g., Male Half went to the restroom).

(4) Do not follow the Couple around the venue.

(5) Do not masturbate in front of them or for that matter anywhere that they can see you, unless invited to do so.

(6) Do not stare.


Okay, you grew a pair and walked up to the Couple. What now?

If they are sitting, ask the female if you can join them. Now this is extremely important: Always sit NEXT to the girl and not more than one seat away.

If they are standing or you’ve asked if you can join them and are now sitting next to the Woman – Introduce yourself to both of them and shake both their hands.

Why are you shaking their hands? It is very important to be physical immediately but in a non-threatening, non-sexual way. If you do not touch a Woman until mid way through an interaction it can cause awkwardness when you finally do.

Now ask them if they have ever been to the venue before. This thread should easily transition into you asking the Couple what they are into, specifically are they into playing with Single Guys. If they are not interested in Single Guys then excuse yourself and move on to another Couple. If they are interested, continue the interaction.

Opening shouldn’t take more than a couple of minutes and at that point you should transition into building attraction and comfort.

Being Physical

From the start of your interaction with the Couple, you should be physical with the female. This does NOT mean physical in a sexual way (that comes later), but rather physical in a non-sexual way that will get the woman used to the idea that you are touching her. At first this means shaking the woman’s hand when you introduce yourself to her. Then, light touching of the woman’s hands, forearm, elbow, and knee as you are in conversation.

Building Attraction & Reaching the Hook Point

Remember that a Couple or the Female Half of the Couple may already have an opinion of you prior to the interaction. Just as you noticed her, she may have noticed you before you approached and as a result has already formulated an opinion. Typically this opinion will be based on several factors:

(1) Body Language: Your body language tells a lot about you as a person. How are you carrying yourself when no one is looking? Are you fidgety? Poor posture? Look uncomfortable? All those things will lower your attractiveness.

(2) Fashion: How you dress will convey different meanings. If you dress well and appealingly then that will tell others that you care about how you look and that you have a sense of style. It may also make you stand out in the group, separating you from the competition.

(3) Physical Appearance: Aside from natural qualities, this includes grooming, facial hair, etc.

(4) Who You Came With: If you came to the venue with other guys, how is their body language, fashion, and physical appearance? We judge others based upon the company they keep. If you have a slob in your group it will only reflect poorly on you.

(5) Who You’re Talking to and Their Reactions: Couples notice what Single Guys are doing in a venue. If you are following other Couples around and not talking to them, just staring, or working hard to have your picture put in the dictionary next to “wall flower” then chances are if a woman notices you and found you attractive at first glance, that attraction is plummeting by the second. In addition, if you are interacting with a Couple or Single Female and those women look completely uninterested or creeped out, that too will make you lose attraction.

Nailing the above five factors will make your interactions with Couples significantly easier. In addition, a good portion of the time a woman may not be interested in a guy, but after getting to know him her opinion changes. This is why lack of physical attractiveness does not prevent a guy from sleeping with a woman who is physically “out of her league.” After opening the Couple you need to build attraction with the woman, or put another way, you need the women to begin to find you attractive through your actions.

This can be done in numerous ways, but after opening your goal is to get the woman to the point where she mentally decides that she is enjoying talking to you and that they want the interaction to continue. The key is to use humor and stay playful. You want to be interesting and attractive, NOT entertaining.

There are numerous ways of building attractions, but the simplest way is to remain playful, banter, and tease. However, other options are cold reading, teaching them something of interest, role-playing, misinterpretation, silly games, etc. Basically just flirt. We can write an entire guide on that topic, and perhaps we will, but for the moment that should suffice.

The good news is that it is possible to close the deal at this point. If the woman is really coming onto you at this point you can move onto the Closing Section. If not, move on to Building Rapport.

Building Rapport

Too many guys talk to Couples as though they are talking with a Couple they know in the non-swinger world (there is no indication the guy wants to sleep with the woman) or they get touch happy and try to close the deal immediately just because the woman gives some interest to the guy. Stay away from both. The former kills any sexual tension and the latter has a very high likelihood of setting off creep vibes.

Remember that your goal is to have sex, most likely sometime in the next thirty minutes, so stay away from interview questions which will kill all sexual tension. In addition, many women in the lifestyle do not feel comfortable with sharing where they went to school or where they work or even specifically where they live. It is fine to find out if they host or like hotels/motels or to find out what town they live in for the purpose of determining logistics, but stay away from trying to pin point exactly where in that area they live. You do not need to know their address unless you will be heading back to their place to play.

This is the time when you should be getting to know the Couple better. Do not exclude the Male Half of the Couple, but most of your focus should be on the female. He is the gatekeeper to you playing, so do not insult him by ignoring him, but he is not your main focus. At no point in the interaction should the woman become bored because you are talking to her husband or boyfriend.

Now, when we say this is the time when you should be getting to know the Couple better, we do not mean in regards to their family life (if they start talking about their kids or other such nonsense, transition to a new topic immediately), but more on what their sexual experiences have been so far, the type of parties they like. Share positive swinging stores or non-swinger adventures that make you come off as appealing.

It is also a good time to find out the extent of what the Couple is into. You want to know if the male half just likes watching his wife/girlfriend, or if he enjoys a threesome, if they have any rules or boundaries, etc.

Remember that you should still be sexually playful and tease, but in this stage it is less while building rapport with the Couple. After approximately 10-15 minutes Rapport building, move in for the close.


It is totally fine to drink, just do not drink to the point where you begin losing value because you are obviously intoxicated. In addition, if you offer alcohol to the Couple and they accept, NEVER make a strong drink unless they ask you to. If you make the boyfriend/husband’s drink strong, red flags will go up because he will think you are trying to make him drunk just to sleep with his woman. If you make a strong drink for the woman, not only will red flags go up for the guy and the woman, but she won’t drink it. The best type of drink is one where you cannot taste the liquor. This way you will keep drinking and drinking. Don’t insult a Couple’s intelligence by trying to get them drunk so you can play with them. It is unnecessary and just reflects poorly on you.


At any point in the interaction the Couple may do this for you. However, if for some reason they do not, at the thirty minute mark, ask them if they would like to go into one of the play areas at the venue or if they would like to go somewhere more private like a hotel or back to your place. If they say another time, attempt to exchange contact information.

It really shouldn’t take longer than thirty minutes, and once you get adjusted to moving at this pace you will realize for a lot of Couples you can pull it off within fifteen minutes.


If the Couple says no thank you, or at any point excuses themselves from the conversation, then that was a rejection and they are not interested unless they reopen you at a later time in the evening. When a Couple says no thank you, or indicates the conversation is over, merely tell them that it was nice speaking to them and move on. Leave them alone for the rest of the night unless they come back to you. Don’t keep trying to reinitialize conversation with them, even if no one at the venue interests you. It will just make them uncomfortable trying to figure out a way to get rid of you.

1 Leave a Comment:

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