Couple’s Guide to Swinging: Screening Couples, Single Females & Single Men

There are several strategies a Couple can use to protect themselves from becoming involved with:

(1) Individuals that aren’t who they claim to be and

(2) Unstable or unsafe individuals who are not desirable to be involved with.

We’ve broken this guide down into four categories. There is some repetition among the categories, but also some distinct strategies for each.

GENERAL PRINCIPLES

Certifications/Validations: At this point we will refer to all certifications and validations on the online services simply as “Certs”. We recommend staying away from any profile that indicates the couple or single has 0 Certs. If the couple/single has been a member for the online service for more than a year and has no Certs it should be an immediate red flag that either they are not real or not serious about participating in the lifestyle. If the profile only has 1 Cert, click over to see the profile of who Certed them. If that profile only has 1 Cert as well and that Cert came from the profile you were suspicious of, then we recommend treating that 1 Cert as no Cert at all.

Remember that reading through Certs given by other Couples and Singles allows you to really get an idea of what the Couple or Single whose profile you are viewing is about. If they have a lot of Certs, that is a good indicator they gave favorable impressions to a good number of people.

In addition, if you notice a Couple who has Certs, but has not received a new one in several years, it may be an indication that they are no longer together or that one of them is no longer interested in pursuing the lifestyle but the other still is interested so they maintain the account.

Picture Trading: For some reason there is a section of the male population that gets off on the idea of pretending to be either a Couple or a Single Female and getting nude photos of Couples via trading pictures. All of the online services that cater to the lifestyle allow the posting of photos and most allow private photos that can be opened and closed for select people. If someone wants to connect via Yahoo IM or some other IM program to trade pictures, that should be an immediate warning sign that this is not a Couple you are dealing with. There is absolutely no reason why a Couple or Single cannot show you the pictures via the online service they contacted you on.

Free Accounts: Several of the services offer lifetime memberships for a couple of hundred dollars and reasonably priced monthly packages. If a Couple or Single has a free account and no Certs, it is a strong indication that they are either not who they say they are or not serious about the lifestyle.

The HIV/STD Question: We ask this question to EVERYONE we engage in conversation with for more than ten minutes. Why everyone? A lot of parties have large playrooms where many naked people might be playing around you. Perhaps you look over and while you might not have had chemistry before with the person you see, you are really turned on and now want to play with them. You’ve already screened them and can have fun. NEVER ask the question with a Swinger while already naked. They will be turned on and will 99.9% of the time tell you they are clean and you are probably not thinking straight either.

However, taking a few steps back – MOST people never ask who they are playing with this question. They simply don’t. And yes, the other person(s) can lie. However, there is a good chance you can tell when someone is being dishonest and most people are actually very honest with their answer, so it lets you weed out a good number of people that could be potential trouble.

You will typically get one of three responses:

(1) They will tell you they were tested in the last 6 months to a year and if they do they normally tell you the month as well. Follow up by asking what the results were.

(2) They will tell you they have never been tested (very common answer) – if they are not brand new to swinging, pass.

(3) If they are a Couple, whichever one you asked will begin looking at the other one, say a bunch of ums and ask their significant other when the last time THEY were tested. Whatever the answer they come up with, pass. It should be a fairly quick response if they were tested recently.

The last thing you want is HIV or an STD and by asking this question as a screening tool and immediately passing on those that give you red flags you may save yourself from a lot of heartache.

In addition, when playing, if you notice anything strange on the genitalia or lips or the person you are about to play with, immediately stop, if you aren’t sure what it is ask them, if you are, well you know play should not continue under any circumstance.

SINGLE FEMALES

Single Females are much coveted in the Lifestyle. So much in fact that they are called Unicorns. They do exist, but sometimes Couples are blinded by their desire and ignore red flags when dealing with those who claim to be Single Females online.

Certs: Specifically for Single Females, think about it this way – they are so desirable…why would they have no Certs? If there is a Single Female profile online more than 6 months without a Cert, assume it is a fake.
Webcam/Voice Verify: The simplest way to screen a Single Female is to request a webcam or voice verify. Even if they have no webcam, there is absolutely NO excuse why they cannot voice verify. Voice verify means speaking on the phone – your female with the Single Female – to both verify that females exist on both ends. If the “Single Female” says she isn’t comfortable giving out her number, simply say, “That is totally fine, we will give you ours and you can just block your number when you call us. All we want to do is verify you are a female.” Who could object to that? Gets rid of fakes very quickly. Keep in mind that you are giving out your number. You might want to invest in a pre-paid phone for this purpose. We use a pre-paid phone for all lifestyle contacts.

Girl on Girl Only Single Females: There are Single Females that through looking at their Certs you can tell they are absolutely real. However, if they indicate they are only looking for Girl-on-Girl only play and the guy can only watch and not touch, believe what they say. If your dream is for a threesome, don’t think you can somehow convince or charm her into it. You are most likely wasting your time and setting yourself up for disappointment.

COUPLES

Pictures: If you see a profile filled with lots of photos of a very attractive female and no photos of the male half and Certs exist, there is a very good chance that either the male is (1) Unattractive or (2) Much older than the female. If you are interacting with a Couple on say Craig’s List or perhaps they have no Certs but their photos look so good and they have photos of both of them in separate photos on their profile, ask to see a photo of them together. Many Single Men who make fake profiles choose attractive females and attractive men in their profile, but the photos came from two different sources. There is no way they can produce of photo of both the male and female in a photo together – the type of photo most Couples would naturally have.

Conflict Between the Couple: If for whatever reason you see one partner put the other partner down, they begin arguing in front of you or look upset, there are warning signs that one or both of them may not be okay with the idea of swinging or they are not in a stable relationship and you might be better off passing than playing.

Aggressive Male/Annoyed or Uncomfortable Female: If the male half of the Couple is becoming very aggressive with your female half and it comes out of nowhere, it may be a sign that he doesn’t understand how to read signals or understand boundaries which could lead to a problem when everyone is naked. In addition, always be aware if the male half of the Couple is being attentive to the needs of his own female partner. If he is ignoring her and focusing totally on the two of you, it may be a sign of poor communication between them which can lead to a problem when play begins if one of them does something the other doesn’t like but has never brought it up. Also, if the female half of couple looks annoyed at the behavior of her partner or just plain uncomfortable, it could indicate a jealousy issue.

Couple Cannot Define What They Are Looking For: Be on the guard for Couples that cannot give you a straight answer on whether they are “Soft Swap” or “Full Swap” or after a look of confusion as though they never heard the terms say they are “Up for anything”. Chances are they aren’t. If you are a full swap Couple and they can’t give you a straight answer, there is a chance you will face resistance when trying to initiate the full swap portion of play or get to that point and they will flat out refuse to continue, which can put a damper on your night very quickly. Don’t be the guinea pig for another Couple that doesn’t at least indicate they think they are ready to go all the way if that is what you are looking for.

If You Are Full Swap and They Are Soft Swap & Vice Versa: You should find out if a Couple is Full Swap or Soft Swap to understand their expectations. If you don’t ask you can run into the same problem indicated in the paragraph above this one. In addition, if they indicate they are only Soft Swap when you are Full Swap and you don’t want to stop at Soft Swap, respect their wishes and move on. The same goes for the other way around. If you are Soft Swap make it clear to the other Couple and if they are Full Swap make sure they are okay with your boundaries before continuing otherwise you may end up in an awkward situation mid way through playing.

Find Out If They Are Into Girl-on-Girl Play: This is very important. Not every girl in the lifestyle is bi-sexual or bi-curious. You may be in a relationship where your female half is into girls and are expecting some girl-on-girl play, but if you don’t ask the question or indicate that is your preference you may find yourself in a situation where you are swapping almost instantly. Also, if your female half is straight the last thing you want is for her to be put into a situation that is uncomfortable so be clear upfront if she is straight. Most females in the lifestyle are bi-curious or bi-sexual and many couples just assume this is the case.

Date Where Only the Guy Shows Up or Female Has No Clue What is Going On: Two potentially awkward situations may arise when going on dates with Couples. The first is that only the male shows up. If this happens, find out where the female is. If he says she isn’t coming but he wants to continue, pass and end the date. If he says she is running a little late but will be there shortly. Use your discretion but we don’t recommend giving her more than twenty minutes to show up. The second situation is where the couple arrives for the date, but the female half is clueless that this is a “swingers” date and think you are just friends of the husband. The male half is basically attempting to trick his female into a swap. This is unlikely to end well and if this appears to be the situation it is best to excuse yourself early.

SINGLE MALES

Single Males are an interesting group of people to deal with. Most are men who somehow thing that sleeping with women in the lifestyle will be easier than in the vanilla world – they are wrong. There are some behaviors that are warning signs:

Flaking: We recommend giving Single Males a one shot deal. If they don’t show up to meet with you, for whatever reason, pass on meeting them again. They may be married, have a girlfriend, etc. Simply put, chances are something is not right if a guy will cancel on meeting a Couple since it is extremely hard for most men in the lifestyle to get dates with Couples to begin with.

Ignoring Your Boyfriend/Husband: When interacting with a Single Male, if he is either ignoring your significant other or being disrespectful towards him, that is a sign that he will not respect the boundaries your relationship has and can cause problems down the road.

Approaching You When Boyfriend/Husband Is Absent:  If you are at a lifestyle party and your significant other goes to the bathroom or to get you a drink and a Single Male approaches you, chances are he has no idea how swinging works or understands his role in your relationship with your significant other. This isn’t a vanilla club where it is a free-for-all and you approach any girl standing alone. Rather the only time a Single Male should approach is when the Couple is together and introduces himself to both partners.

Trying to Contact You Without Your Boyfriend/Husband Knowing: A big warning sign that a Single Male does not respect your relationship with your boyfriend or husband is when he is trying to contact you on the side without him knowing. This is an indication he is trying to either steal the female half away or have an affair on the side.

Talking Only About Sex Right Off the Bat When Contacting You: Whether this is via e-mail, IM or in person, this is a sign the Single Male is not calibrated to the situation and has only one thought on his mind. If you want to get to know a Single Male first before playing, this is probably not the guy you should become involved with.

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