Posted on Saturday, June 11, 2011
We have been asked this question enough that we feel it warrants its own Guide. Many single men want to know how they can meet a girl that would be interested in the lifestyle so they can swing as a couple.
On the Internet
We believe that only a small amount of time should be spent seeking out potential female partners on the various lifestyle services. The simple fact is that these girls get bombarded with dozens upon dozens of messages daily from guys with certifications, without certifications, guys that look like chiseled fitness models, guys that don’t. They are buyers with an almost unlimited supply of choices and have very little incentive to settle down with any one particular guy unless that is what they are looking for. If they are, well the odds of that guy being you is very slim considering the sheer number of men competing for their attention.
In the Vanilla World
The most efficient way to meet a girl that you can swing with is also the most efficient way to get laid. Meeting young and attractive couples or single females in the lifestyle is extremely difficult for single men. Even the single men that have had a tremendous amount of success in the lifestyle are mostly sleeping with women that are over 40. It is far easier to not only meet and sleep with attractive girls in the vanilla world (vanilla = non-swinger), but it is also far easier to find a swing partner in the vanilla world by consistently and regularly approaching and pre-screening girls for a pre-disposition to exploring the lifestyle with you.
There is no need to be on an online dating site to meet girls and have sex. Girls are literally everywhere, especially if you live in a major city. There are girls on the street, in the grocery store, on public transportation, in the mall, bars, lounges, coffee shops, EVERYWHERE. Start approaching them, get their cell phone number and making plans.
Focus on Cheap Dates
Save your money. If you are actively going out on dates with girls multiple times a week you cannot spend a significant amount of time and money on each date unless you are independently wealthy. In addition, regardless of whether you have resources or not, the first date should always be a way to see if there is chemistry and not an elaborate date designed to entertain the pants off the girl.
The best idea is to keep it simple. Bring the girl to a coffee house for coffee or a bar/lounge for drinks. If it is a bar, offer to buy the first round. She can get the second. If you get hungry after, bring her to get pizza or to a hotdog/pretzel vendor outside. You can build just as much attraction on these types of dates as you can on a more elaborate type. They can also be quick or take up an entire night depending on the chemistry. Unless the girl is absolutely gorgeous or gives signs on her own that she is very sexually adventurous, if she is not in your bed by the end of the night, move on.
Remember that you are looking for a girl that would be willing to explore the lifestyle with. NOT a girl that adheres to a traditional monogamous mindset that is looking to be courted by a guy.
After You Have Slept with them – Pre-screen
After you’ve slept with a girl, begin to pre-screen for a disposition towards sexual adventurousness. You do this after you have slept with her because she will have begun backwards rationalizing why she slept with you. If you begin pre-screening prior to sleeping with the girl, she has absolutely no investment in you and is more likely to be turned off by the topics of conversation.
Topics to focus on are past sexual experiences, has she ever played with a another girl before, has she ever had threesomes, what is the most amount of people she has slept with at one time, what are her sexual fantasies, etc. If she fails these questions, it is up to you to decide whether you want to continue seeing her on a casual basis or to move on completely in your search.
If She Passes Pre-Screening
Tell her that you’ve heard of a crazy party that you want to check out. Let her know that it is supposed to be a sex party with very attractive couples and single females and that you just want to go and see what happens there, not that you actually want to participate. Ask her if she is adventurous enough to check it out with you. Let her know if it gets weird, uncomfortable, or too crazy there that the two of you could just leave the party.
Make sure you choose a high end swingers party that pre-screens its guests and does not allow unaccompanied single men to attend. In the New York Area, choose a party such as The Hampton’s Party, Behind Closed Doors, or a Sexxy Mofo On-Premise party.
If she comes away from the party excited and wants to attend again and maybe explore more, then you have found yourself a winner. If she was completely repulsed, move on.