Sleeping With Girls While in an Open Relationship - An Example

Him: I am asked quite a bit how do I meet and sleep with girls one on one when I have a girlfriend. What do I say to the new girl? Do I tell them I have a girlfriend? Do I not tell them? Here is a recent experience I had with sleeping with a girl who knew I was in a relationship. 

I originally met Cathy on a business trip in September. She is a thin blond haired girl in her late twenties who has a slight resemblance to Cameron Diaz. During that business trip I socialized with her, but did not feel that I had a connection. She appeared to be too focused on a married colleague who she traveled with to the business function. I was pretty sure they were having an affair. 

Fast forward to November and another business trip in Boulder, Colorado. I had focused my sights on other girls at the function, having written Cathy off completely due to the last trip. At some point, Cathy and her married colleague, Kevin, connected with the most attractive girl at the function, Julie. I had no choice but to join the group if I wanted to pursue Julie, so I did. Kevin was completely up Julie’s ass the entire trip, but I started to notice Cathy checking me out and giving me strong indications that she was interested. 

Cathy, Julie, Kevin and I went out to dinner on election night at an upscale pizzeria restaurant. During dinner I got the strong feeling that it was on with Cathy, but out of the blue she invited another guy to join us. Drew is a very nice guy and even though he is married, it was obvious he was into Cathy. Dinner was going well, but Cathy was focusing more of her attention towards Drew as the night wore on to the point that when we all left the restaurant she went her separate way with Drew and I left with Kevin and Julie. 

I figured that was the end of that. On the way back to the hotel, which we were all staying at, I notice I have a missed call from Cathy. When we get to the hotel, Cathy and Drew are waiting for us at the front of the hotel; we all go to her suite to watch the election results. 

Election results came in at 10:30, Julie had already called it quits and after the election was called for the President, Kevin called it a night as well. So it was Cathy, Drew and I just sitting there. During the election results Cathy and I were texting back and forth and she started asking questions about my girlfriend. The conversation did not go well. When it was just the three of us I felt that logistically things were odd. My conversation with Cathy through text left me thinking that now would be a good time to exit rather than the three of us looking at each other oddly. I left to go to my room, which was directly across from hers. 

Once in my room I watched some more of the commentary on the election and then about fifteen minutes later I heard Cathy saying goodnight to Drew. Loser. The guy obviously wanted it; he was alone in her room with her, why didn’t he just pull the trigger? 

I text Cathy, telling her she still owes me a shot for losing a game we played at dinner. She was up for going out. We ordered a cab and went to a college bar. This is the type of bar where girls just turning twenty one get a free shot if they kiss the moose head on the wall. We started drinking and doing shots. She was flirting a lot, but any time I tried to escalate physically she would bring up my girlfriend. I flat out told her that not only was we in an open relationship, we were swingers. She wasn’t expecting that as it seemed to throw her for a loop. 

The night continued in which she relied heavily on attempting to create jealousy by talking to other guys. Big mistake. I consider myself extremely proficient in socializing with girls. Every time she would turn to talk to a new guy and pretend to hit on him I would just turn my back to her and start a conversation with another girl. Cathy cared more than I did since she would always pull me away. We must have done this maybe six or seven times. At some point when I go to kiss her, she brings up the girlfriend again. I flat out say to her, “I’m not dealing with your emotional baggage. I like you. I find you attractive, but I have a girlfriend, so we can never have more than what happens tonight. Either you are okay with it or you aren’t, but if you aren’t then we can leave.” She doesn’t leave, I can now kiss her without issue, but she is still pursuing her strategy with trying to make me jealous with other guys. After a few more shots the bartender cut her off; she was a bit trashed. 

We ended up going to another bar, which had a dance floor. I’m an ace in college bars but bars with dance floors I just don’t do great in. Same nonsense, more bringing up my girlfriend, more telling her she is completely cool with it, more her flirting with guys, more me flirting with girls. 

At some point we start talking to a couple that are obviously swingers. They want to bring Cathy and I up to their hotel room. Cathy doesn’t know how to say no. I tell her they are swingers, they want to have fun, that if that is what she wants I’m up for it, but if it isn’t, she needs to tell them to bug off. She doesn’t seem to know how, so I tell the couple it was a pleasure talking to them, but not tonight and walk Cathy away from them. 

Now we are back to her same routine, during which I got some young college girl to buy me a shot, which was a total mistake since I immediately didn’t feel good. I think due to a combination of being at a higher altitude and being a bit dehydrated, my next visit was to the restroom. Ick. 

Once I was back out, I wasn’t a 100% on point…who is after just vomiting. The bar is reaching closing time, she keeps flirting with different guys. I’m a bit bored at this point. I’ve had enough. I tell her we should get out of there. She doesn’t want to, so I say fine with me and I walk away. I’m pretty sure she is used to guys doing whatever she says, so my behavior is confusing her. She chases after me, grabs me by the arm. I turn towards her and I tell her that I do not have time for her nonsense. I walk away again, she grabs me again and tells me we should leave. 

We head outside; there is a random taxi waiting. I decide to steal it. Cathy gets snatched up by the swinger couple. She is too nice to just say no, so I have to drag her away to the taxi. In the taxi she begins giving me more resistance. She repeatedly asks if I’m sure of what I’m doing. I told her I am completely sure of what I’m doing and she tells me that if I’m sure then she is up for anything. 

At the hotel I walk her into her room, take her key card from her so I can get back in and then tell her that I will be right back. I go to my room, brush my teeth and mouth wash to eliminate any evidence of puking and then head back to her room.

From there it was straight forward. We begin making out and I start taking her top off. When I go for her jeans she tells me it wasn’t fair that I was still dressed. I put her on the bed and take all my clothes off and then finish taking her clothes off. We make out on the bed and I finger her a little, throw on a condom and began fucking. I was plowing her for about fifteen minutes in missionary when I realized that my mouth was extremely dry and I needed water bad or I couldn’t continue. I faked an orgasm (plan was to rehydrate and just continue for round two). She wanted to cuddle for awhile. I asked her where her vitamin water was and she went ballistic.

I don’t even remember what she said, but basically she wanted me to leave. I’m pretty sure she just felt that I got what I wanted and after I drank the water I was out of there anyway so to protect herself she might as well send me on my way immediately. I had no intention of staying the night, but I was definitely up for round two. I hate the idea of leaving a girl off in a worse emotional state than when I met them, but you cannot please everyone. For remainder of the week at the business function she was very cold to me, so I spent my time and energy flirting with Julie, which of course just made Cathy even colder. I didn’t try to talk things out or smooth things over with Cathy since I knew that I had no intention of sleeping with her again.

The simple truth is, girls will NOT believe that your girlfriend or wife really is okay with it unless your girlfriend is there and says she is. There are girls that I’ve slept with that did not believe me until way after the fact when they met my girlfriend and realize that she knows we’ve had sex. What the girl needs is an excuse in the moment to make it okay, but that excuse doesn’t typically work after the fact, especially if the girl has hang-ups about sex and relationships. If you really are interested in the girl, you can always push past those hang-ups and continue to sleep with her. In this instance, there was no point trying to make things work, she lives on the other side of the country from me and it wasn’t worth the effort.

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